How I Almost Became Jewish Today

Hello again, everyone...

I’m suffering from some serious writer’s block right now so, in lieu of the standard hilarious anecdote or political tirade, I’m just going to tell you about my day in a quasi-stream-of-consciousness style.  Enjoy.

Today my fellow mortuary science faculty members and I took our students to various places of worship in the greater Des Moines area (we’ve come to call it our “Religious Road Show”) where funeral rituals and customs are demonstrated and discussed. We began the day at the Tifereth Israel Synagogue where I found a tennis ball lying in the parking lot and promptly threw it at a group of inattentive students; it was basically like the classroom only with a paved surface and a tennis ball. The synagogue is home to a conservative Jewish community, which, according to Rabbi Steven’s general description, is about half-way between the Orthodox Jewish and Reformed Jewish faiths.  

Tifereth Israel Synagogue

Interestingly enough, the temple has a very impressive art collection including an original Andy Warhol collection and a series of paintings done on the Holocaust.  Rabbi Steven Edelman-Blank was a very congenial and unexpectedly humorous host who delivered some great religious humor.  As we all arrived and sat down in the worship area, he proudly pronounced, “Congratulations, you’re all Jewish now.”  Another comment that struck my funny bone followed his description of the Jewish belief in resurrection when he said, “We invented it before you…HA HA!”

Rabbi Steven Edelman-Blank

From there, our next stop was St. George’s Greek Orthodox Church.  I had to chuckle when a student told me he would refrain from talking about Jesus in this church (that was the LAST one, Einstein!).  I told him that this was an Orthodox Christian community and that these people were more Christian than he was!  (Lighten up, Francis…that’s a “they’ve been doing this for 2000 years” joke.)  If you’re ever in Des Moines and you have a thing for unique, beautiful churches, St. George's should be on your list of places to visit. It is full of rich, vivid iconography (pictures of saints and major figures of the faith…a la’ Mary and Jesus), a beautiful iconostasis (a large wall of icons that separates the altar from the rest of the church), and a dome that serves as a natural amplifier.  I’m not kidding!  As you walk to different spots in the church while the priest is talking, it literally sounds like he is standing right next to you.

St. George's Greek Orthodox Church

After that, the students headed to Our Lady’s Immaculate Heart Catholic Church in Ankeny.  I, however, went to Maccabee’s Kosher Deli in Des Moines and ordered a pastrami-on-marble rye.  Before you think I’m some anti-religious slacker *wink, wink* with an axe to grind against Catholics, I had business there as I had to pick up kosher meals for one of our visiting Jewish students.  As I stood there inhaling the various culinary odors, entranced by the meat slicer, I thought, “Do I really wanna eat Papa John’s pizza for lunch today?”  I went so far as to ask the Rabbi who was preparing the food.  Rabbi Yossi Jacobson is a delightfully witty and humorous man and my visit with him alone made the trip worth it.  However, in my best dietary interests, I asked his opinion: “Rabbi Yossi, should I have pizza for lunch with the rest of my students or should I get a pastrami-on-rye?”  His answer was right out of Fiddler on the Roof: (In a heavy Yiddish accent): “What, are you kidding me? Is it better to live or to die?” He rightfully took my laughter to mean “I’ll take the pastrami!” and I didn’t regret my decision.  He told me he would make it with extra love and it was AWESOME!!!  He proceeded to ask my name and I told him.  He said, “Carrico…a nice Jewish name!”  I chuckled and said the name originated in eastern Spain.  He said (again with the Yiddish), “I’m kidding. I can tell by your body language that you’re not Jewish.  Not enough resistance.  You’re being too NICE to me.”  My visit to Maccabee’s Deli was the highlight of my day.

Rabbi Yossi Jacobson

After making sweet culinary love to my ambrosial pastrami sandwich in direct view of all the pizza-eating troglodytes, my colleagues, the students, and I returned to campus where the students witnessed a live military honors service.  I was struck by the gravity of the simulated presentation; even without the deceased veteran present, seeing the slow, deliberate movements, the salutes, the rifles, and hearing Taps still brings a chill to the skin and a tear to the eye.  Anyone who has witnessed such a service knows what I mean.

At 4:15, I jumped in my car and prepared for the daily one-hour Battle Royale/commute across the barren combat zone that is Interstate 80 and returned home to an empty house where I promptly removed all my clothing and ate two tacos while sitting on the couch in my underwear watching Big Bang Theory.  Top that, dear reader.

Well, there it is…my day.  Not a bad way to earn a living if you ask me.

Thanks for checking in…

Travis